Fever Spike!

I've been a very private person, about my fertility, and about what I'm doing about it. I realized, with the birth of my niece Gala, that the clock was ticking for me, and that my far-off thoughts of wanting a kid eventually, were no longer far-off thoughts, that I could keep putting off for a few more years.

It was when I saw her in September 2011, when she was 6 weeks old!, that I fell hard for this tiny human, after watching my sister-in-law during her pregnancy, and being supportive through their birth adventure.

When I visited my family in Miami, that Christmas, any illusions I  had about my timing dissipated, and I started the earnest search for a known donor.

2012 was the year of the thinker and tryer, for me. I found my sperm donor that January, emailing an ex I was on friendly terms with, wondering if he would gently reject me as another dear ex and friend had.

He wrote back with a tentative yes, wanting us to discuss details, and we slowly went forward from there.

Since January 2012, I have had a breakup (directly after Leap Day, 2/29) with a neurotic, highly-allergic man who claimed to be polyamorous, but had an awful dysfunctional relationship with his wife. It took me a few days to fully realize how grateful I was when he ended it! Within the month I met a wonderful new sweetie, who has blown my mind, and become my muse. They moved to rural Vermont July 7, which was a little bittersweet, but lucky me, I got to see them twice since: in mid-July, on a roadtrip after my niece's wedding, and then in October for the Honk! street band festival.

The amicable friendship with my sperm donor has grown over the months, hitting some rough spots when I felt madly swept up in the heartsong of my sweetie. But, as of the end of July, when I returned from the wedding trip to Boston, Maine and Vermont, my donor and I started the process of inseminating.

I am six months in, now. I believe I just had a temperature dip yesterday morning that means I'm likely not pregnant, and likely about to start bleeding in the next day or two. But, it is a journey, I am committed, and I am DOING IT.

I'm writing this blog to slowly, slowly come out about how it's been for me on this journey.

I hope it ends well. But I really don't know what to expect. I think that pregnant women face many challenges, and one of them is the notion that their bodies are public property. I am not even pregnant yet, but I have dear friends asking me cutting questions about how the baby-making is going, as they rub their own bellies in a salacious manner, to my eyes.... or the dear friends who ask if I have any news...every time they see me.

I have started giving responses to these friends. I point out how unfun it is, to have to explain my fertility status every month / every visit to any of these friends. As much as I enjoy discussing this with some people, it is not my obligation to inform anyone of it!

Sigh.

It also seems that, because I am planning on being a single parent, I have people coming up to me with unsolicited advice, mostly friends who I thought were supportive of me. They want to know how much money I have in my bank account, and what my plans are for when the baby is small, and who will take care of it, and where will I find the time. Or, they look sternly at me and tell me they will have a serious discussion with me about the importance of thinking this through. I'm sure they imagine I must be just picking up this idea on a whim. At least, that's what they're sounding like!